**Disclaimer: im deep in thought and indescribably thankful, although i don't really understand.
Last night at church, i got hit hard with something that i've always seen but never really appreciated before. Why is it in a time when so many Christians get out of the will of God, God has allowed me to stay protected from the dangers and ravages of sin. Why, when so many people have wandered away, has He kept me right with Him? Why, when there were times that i didn't care and i wanted to do my own thing, did He not let me stray? Why, when some Christians have been so much stronger than i, has He allowed them to fall, and i haven't? Why have some parents tried and battled to keep their kids on the right path only to see them follow a different path, and my parents have never really battled, and yet i'm serving God. It really doesn't seem fair. But the thing about grace is it makes life not fair.
Then, it all makes me a little nervous. If some of the strongest Christians i know have fallen, why can't i fall? I can, and that scares me. I can start to wander down a path that leads me to some serious hurt. One incident and i can be falling down a mountain of sin, getting battered and bruised the whole way down. I don't understand why God has protected me this far. I don't understand why the same people who kept me accountable growing up and through my first few years of college are the ones now that i'm praying for a turn around in their lives. Just to let you all know, when you turn from God, it does hurt. It hurts God. It breaks His heart, but He's not going to strong arm you into loving him because then thats not really love at all. It hurts me. It kills me to see friends going down the wrong path, to know they know the right way, and they don't even care. It hurts you. You might not see it now, and you probably don't care, but someday, hopefully before whatever you're doing kills you, you're gong to turn around and see the wreck you've made of your life and you're going to wish you could have started over. I have so many people i'm writing this for...most of whom will never read it. And if you are reading this and you're in my place, be careful, don't let Satan pull you down...
Thomas, you'll never read this but this was for u
Ok, serious post over...spring break continues to be amazing!!!!