God's Promises

So here i am sitting here. I am praying about some stuff...some pretty big stuff. Nothing depressing or anything. I just want to make the right decision because if i don't i will always regret it. Maybe ive posed this question before, but why is it that in the years of our lives that we are most unsure of everything do we have to make the biggest decisions that mold our lives? O well i guess that is when we learn to truly rely on God because no one else can make these decisions for us. I just have to pray about this and talk to some ppl and figure this all out. God assured me He'll be will me through it...Psa 32:8 ~I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go: i will guide thee with mine eye~ Isn't it awesome how God gives us those promises right when we need them???

WIll i let this change my life??

Ok, so i don't normally post on here this frequently anymore, but this morning something happened that i hope and pray will change my life. I was reading my Bible, which i shamefully admit i don't do as i ought, and i read the 15th Psalm. It was one of the most incredible passages i have ever read. It just jumped off the page at me.

1 LORD, who shall abide in thy tabernacle? who shall dwell in thy holy hill? 2 He that walketh uprightly, and worketh righteousness, and speaketh the truth in his heart. 3 He that backbiteth not with his tongue, nor doeth evil to his neighbour, nor taketh up a reproach against his neighbour. 4 In whose eyes a vile person is contemned; but he honoureth them that fear the LORD. He that sweareth to his own hurt, and changeth not. 5 He that putteth not out his money to usury, nor taketh reward against the innocent. He that doeth these things shall never be moved.

This whole passage encompasses what the Christian life should be. These are the essential elements that must be present for someone to be truly living for God. I want to live this psalm out. I want to use this psalm as the criterion for my daily life. I have a friend that i consider special (no im not dating him :-p). i have only gotten to know them in the past few months, but from what i can see his life lines up with these principles. I am so lucky to have him as a friend, and although i know that he will most likely never read this, i want to thank God for allowing me to know him. God is so good to me no matter how many times i fail Him!!

The only thing now is i have to allow this to really change me...i don't know who God will use to keep me accountable on this, but the Lord always provides our needs...o and on that note, my loan got approved today!!

Irrational Fears

In my life i have three irrational fears. I prolly have more, but i haven't really thought about them enough to develop them. These aren't fears like a loved one dying or ending up alone for the rest of my life, which to me are totally rational fears. My three irrational fears are as follows: throwing up (i haven't done that since i was 8, and the thought of it gives me goosebumps), sparklers (yeah the ones like on the fourth of July. i know that sounds retarded, but those things scare the fire outta me), and finally scary movies. Until last night, i hadn't watched a scary movie since i was 15, and that one was forced at a friend's 16th birthday party. Well, last night i got together with some friends and we watched Darkness Falls. It is a movie about a psycho tooth fairy (i know it sounds lame already). The movie was actually pretty good, just not scary. It was extremely predictable. Not to mention i had a friend that had seen it a hundred times who kept saying, "yeah those policemen are about to get lit up" and "you're gonna go flying out the window and through the air with the tooth fairy." So if i keep seeing "scary" movies like that i guess i don't have to worry about my third fear anymore, but the first two will prolly be with me for awhile.

It feels so good...

Well, tonight i hit the gym...this is my first time, but it was great. I thought about coming home for break and just walking like i did before, but i wasn't really thinking cause it is FREEZING here, so i talked to my friend rachel (she works at a ladies gym). I was thinking that i might have to pay through the nose, but i knew i had to do something. Rachel was able to get me the greatest deal ever. I can work out for a dollar a session!!! So anyway, tonight was the first time i got to go. It was awesome! I did 2 circuits, walked a half mile, and biked 6 1/2 miles. Working out feels so good!! I have really been slacking lately and i am hoping this will be the motivation i need to get back on the ball.

Anyhoo, tomorrow is my church's Christmas banquet and i am soo excited. I love being home, and anything i can do to get together with my friends is awesome. Last night was the teen Christmas party and my youth director's last wednesday night directing our teen program. The teen activities are held at my church's new building, and they let all the college students go last night. It was awesome. There were so many ppl and my youth group has such a great spirit. It was kinda wierd when trisha, jamie, leah, mary, charles, tom, and i were back in with that group. I was so wierd to think that when the Gustafson's first got there we were all awkward 12 and 13 year olds who had no idea what we were doing with our lives, and now some are getting married, and some are working, and i don't think i ever left that awkward stage, but whatever. Anyhoo, there was a gift exchange and it was pretty funny cause there wasn't really time, so they put all the gifts in the middle, numbered the teens, and then let them pick a gift from the pile. It was great when mike got a super cute purse and brian got some of the nicest hair barrettes i had ever seen. Jenny's tie looked pretty nice too.

I got to visit my pastor today. He had surgery on the 7th, so charles and i hadn't seen him until today. He was still pretty talkative and didn't seem to LOVE staying in his house all the time. He is hoping he can get out and go to church by Wednesday, but i told him not to take it too fast. My youth director is having surgery tomorrow for the same thing, but i am praying his isn't as serious. Well, i am going to go enjoy watching my t.v, for at least the 2 weeks i have left.

Let it snow??

I AM HOME!!! Those words really tell it all. They really mean, i am sitting at home in my jammies watching television. It is just wonderful. I can't wait to go visit everyone i haven't seen in months!!! I am also glad that Crown lets us out so early!!! Most of my friends are still experiencing the joy of finals and i am home!!! (hahahaha) The only problem with coming home is all this blasted snow. I really don't remember it being this cold. Most people are like, "i love snow, it's so pretty." well, i'll take a nice photograph any day. I detest brushing the snow off cars, shovelling, and getting frostbite from stepping outside. Snow is also the only weather that can force you to completely cancel all plans and hole up in your house. At least with other stuff you can just change your plans. The only merit that snow has is that it is the only precipitation that you can throw at people! and make snow forts...and snowmen. However there is a large obstacle to overcome...that is actually getting bundled up and heading outside. By the time you have put on all you layers...including your shirt, sweater, sweatshirt, jacket, and multiple other pieces of clothing, you have to take half of them off cause you haven't put on your boots yet and you can't quite reach your feet. So after to get your boots on and you are all suited up again, you head outside. Except, you slip on the ice and fall over, but you can't get up, because you can't move your arms for all the layers. You start to realize you should have put on another pair of socks cause your toes are going numb...ok, well needless to say, unless i am promised an insane amount of fun with friends, i don't venture out for more than 15 seconds.

I'll be home for Christmas...Home for the Holidays!!

So...Finals are OVER!!!! That means i am officially a 2nd semester junior, and even better and more important i am going home tomorrow. I love these Christmas songs that make me think of home! I am hoping i get to get my phone back today. On friday, it deactivated and deleted itself. Yep, i couldn't talk on it, and even if i could have, all my contacts are GONE!!! So i have no phone numbers except for the ones i have scraped together over the last few days. So, i guess i'l update when i get home...so i just checked my voicemail (using another phone) and verizon called me to let me know they had my phone...how'd they expect me to check it if they have my phone??

Is it possible to be happy and sad about the same thing at the same time?

So today is a day of mixed emotions. Last night i found out that my youth director, (The best youth director in the WHOLE world) is leaving to be the camp director at Southland Christian camp in Louisana. It is really sad because he is a part of my life, and he helped guide me to where i am today. But it is EXCITING because this is so perfect for him, and now instead of impacting a handful of teens, he can help hundreds every year. I am going to miss him and his family (especially his family) so much, but God knows exactly where he is going to go. And now the search for a youth director begins so pray for my church that we find just the right person.

Now for those of you at southland that may have stumbled across my site. You are getting the greatest person in the WHOLE WORLD!!! So take care of him and his family. I hope you love his wife and his girls half as much as we do. Let him be crazy...it makes life fun...i don't know how many times i laughed every time we had an activity. Don't make fun of him for ironing everything. If he wants to take you to visit, Al Crestle the car salesman, make sure there is a "lie detector." don't let him make the teens play in the gym in the middle of winter with no heat(but i guess this won't be a problem in LA). Let him lead the way he feels he should; he is one of the most godly men i know. And most of all, LET HIM COME VISIT US occasionally.

My answer to the question: How was your thanksgiving?

Thanksgiving...a time to sit back and relax while everyone does the work and the day comes together seamlessly right? Not this year...this year holds a special place in my heart for being the most hilarious, most fun, most absolutely ghetto thanksgiving ever. My good friend Lauren and i decided since we were both stuck here working for thanksgiving, we would join her sister and niece for a nice thanksgiving. Well, on Wednesday, Lauren informed me that her sister was going to VA, and we would have the apartment to ourselves for Thanksgiving. She also had to work on Thanksgiving until 2. At 2 o'clock she called me and told me she was on her way to get her stuff and pick me up. We piled into the car with all of the stuff we had bought the night before to make all of our yummy thanksgiving traditions.

We got to the apartment and started the turkey. Her sister had bought the turkey for us and got a turkey bag to keep that fine fowl nice and juicy. Well, the box said not to use the bag for anything under 8lbs and our turkey was 5.63lbs, we thought...eh, close enough! Then we couldn't find the little tie that was supposed to come with the bags, so since we had extra room in the bag...cause our turkey was small, i came up with the idea to tie a knot in it. Then with the turkey in, we decided to start a movie and start everything else a little later. We set the laptop on the coffee table and popped Cars in. It is one of the funniest movies in the world. So we watched the movie for a while and paused it to make our side dishes...this process lasted all night and the movie we started at 3:30 was finally finished at 7:00.

We made the traditional dishes turkey, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, green bean caserole, rolls... It was interesting. First of all we are two girls who haven't seen an oven in months let alone used one...it took awhile to get back in the groove (i miss cooking, and now that i did one night i want to do it again!!). Then we went to get a pot to make our mashed potatoes in...except there wasn't one...so we used a little pan and kept an eye on it so it didn't boil over. Then i had the job of mashing them...except there was no potato masher...so i used a big metal spoon and a fork...they were pretty lumpy. Since we didn't have another pan, Lauren's mom told us we could make the sweet potatoes in the microwave, we did. My hand was killing me from trying to shove a fork in the rock hard sweet potatoes, so they wouldn't explode in the microwave (which they didn't). Since dinner was taking just about an eternity to make, we decided to eat a piece of the cheesecake i had made before i left the dorm. I was a little nervous about how it would taste since i had to make it with a disposable spoon and a bowl that was not nearly big enough (trying to beat cream cheese with a disposable spoon was not easy), but it was AWESOME...if i may say so myself. After the turkey came out of the oven an hour after the time said it would (it just wouldn't cook all the way and we didn't feel like dying from undercooked turkey), i started to put the rolls in...except there was no cookie sheet to put them on...once again the art of improvisation triumphed and i used a muffin tin. After I put them in, as i was closing the oven, i looked down to find the elusive bag ties for the turkey oven bag. O well, the turkey was already done.

While we cooked everything, we decided to make use of the washer which did not require the use of quarters. While i was in the kitchen doing something productive (i don't exactly remember what) i heard Lauren scream. Well, the washer had eaten her brand new pajama pants. What else could we do except take the washer apart...which we did surprisely easily.

Our Thanksgiving dinner turned out surprisingly good, and we settled down to watch some well-earned television. At about 10:30 we decided we wanted the cookies that we had bought to bake..except as i have already said, there was no cookie sheet, so we left in search of a walmart...after driving around for about 20 minutes we found one, bought our cookie sheets and some containers to take our food back to the dorms in and headed back to the apartment where i did dishes while we waited for the cookies to bake. By the time they were done, neither of us really wanted them, but we both ate one before we headed to the couch to watch tv into the wee hours of the morning. America's funniest videos is way funnier at 1am than any other time i have ever watched it. Well, since this post is pretty much the longest thing ever...i am going to end it. I have a thousand more stories that will just have to wait for another time.

I wanna go home

I want to go home so bad. Maybe its cause i haven't been home since august or maybe because i don't get to go home till Christmas, or maybe because everyone else is getting ready to go home for Thanksgiving and i am staying here. Maybe cause my church website is back up and full of pictures from home. Maybe cause i talked to my youth director yesterday, and i miss everyone at home. I don't know, but i am more homesick now than i have been ever before in my college career. When my parents dropped me off i was ready, i have never waited with anticipation for the end of the semester, and i love coming back every year, but right now i don't want to be here, and i don't want to be anywhere but home. I want to see my dog and my parents (maybe even in that order) and my church and my friends, and snow, and my grandparents, and my room, and my neighborhood, and everything else in PA!! Ok, so i know this is totally lame....i wanna go home!

What's going around

So what is it that's going around Crown. What is it that even the most selfish people seem to be sharing? Not the latest gossip about which faculty member is going bald, not the secret to passing a Dalton quiz, and it's not even a new way to cook chicken. Nope, the lastest thing at Crown, getting mono. Yep, that's right...get so sick that you want to stay in bed forever. Two girls in my dorm have it, and i am not excited about that at all. I am super exhausted and i know i need to get some sleep to make my immune system semi-normal, but as one of my friends said, "College is made up of studying, sleeping, and having fun. Unfortunately, you can only pick two." Normally i don't pick sleep.

O here is a shocker, Crown won the basketball game last night. Maybe this season will be better than the other 2 seasons i have witnessed. Yesterday was preregistration. That normally means sleep and general slacking, but not for me, not yesterday. I got up pretty much at dawn to go to the teacher's center (a paradise for education majors) and worked on projects all day, and i haven't even started my 6 notebooks.

Wow i feel really negative and sarcastic in this blog. I am going to blame that on my lack of sleep. I'm off to daycare! And it's not raining!!

My little vacation

So this weekend a few of my friends and i took a trip to Rock City. Rock city is a big park thing in chattanooga, and it was awesome. We had so much fun!! It was a perfect day. Heather and i had to go to visitation before we left, and we met some pretty interesting characters. Like a guy who was joking around about sacrificing animals in the back room of his neighbor's house.

When we got back we jumped in the car and began our 2 hour drive. I love road trips with friends, and this one was no exception. We had a blast going down the road flipping through radio stations and making fun of sappy country songs. One bathroom/gas stop later we were there. We pretty much almost died driving up the mountain...there were several close calls involving cars coming from the other way that were too busy looking out the window.

We walked around the park and saw all the beauty...it really was beautiful. The day went by fast with laughs and fun stuff...like jumping up and down on the swinging bridge and freaking everyone out.

After we left we went to chattanooga choo choo, and ate pizza in an old train car. It looked a little shady at first, but the pizza was really good. Then just wandered around in candy stores and little shops. Before too long we were on our way back to campus...after another gas stop...lauren playing with the speakers while i was trying to sleep...and another 2 hours in the car we were back on campus and i was ready to rejoin the ranks as inmate 9170/4.

Evil veggies and lessons learned

So this might be a long one...as i said Tuesday was Reformation day (many ppl refer to this day as Halloween). Some of my friends and i went about a week ago and carved pumpkins. Now i know that some of the people that read this may be gasping that i carved an evil vegetable (charles), but i think it was pretty cool. I was pretty excited with how it turned out...yeah i know small things ammuse small minds. You know it's funny how when you turn a certain age you get "too cool" to do certain things, and then you get to college, and you want to do them all over again.

Yesterday was an interesting day. I had developmental psychology. Normally i really enjoy that class cause it is more discussion, and i love having an opinion on certain subjects...imagine that me opinionated. Well yesterday, the lecture was on character. Pretty much everything he said about people with low character referred to me. I never thought i was lacking character before, but my lack of discipline to get up in the morning, finish homework assignments, and complete other things makes me a character lacking oaf. I guess some of you knew that and now you are breathing a sigh of relief that i have been brought to that realization.

O!! I might be going to Chattanooga tomorrow!!! We are thinking about touring an underground cave. I haven't done that since i was 8 or 9, and i loved it then. Lauren has off work on a Saturday...gasp. I think this is the first time since....ummmm....well i can't remember a time when she didn't have to. And i am VERY excited because if everything works out heather and (the other) amber might get to go too. This is really what college is all about, making friends, making memories, and wasting money!! I really do think it's true that the most important lessons you learn have nothing to do with the classes you take. Just think of all the things you've learned...time management...money management...trust...friendship...sometimes forgiveness...love...loss...dealing with a week or so of pretty much no sleep...how to live semi-healthy on fast food and walmart...dealing with people you don't really like...dealing with people who don't like you...freezing in a dorm where the heat on your side of your hall is messed up. Well i think that's enough for now...just learn the lessons that come your way, don't let them pass you by. I'm off to chapel...i'm staying awake without candy...yea!

Happy Reformation Day!!!

Fall break is over :'( but that just means we are closer to christmas!!! I had a blast in Indiana. A big thanks to my friend Amber and her family for the GREAT hospitality. The only problem was amber and i went a whole weekend and didn't take one picture. We had a ton of fun...at least i did. Charles went home, and everytime he called me i wanted to see everyone, but i am so glad i got to go hang out with my good friend, and i now get to add Indiana and michigan to the states i have been in.

This past Sunday, Amber's pastor said that truth is the affirmation of reality. I never really thought of it like that. Truth isn't the statement of fact...fact can be changed in time...reality is absolute. Reality is reality whether we accept it or not. Therefore truth is truth whether we accept it or not. Ok...way too deep.

Keep the Ground!!!

Sometimes life just doesn't make sense, and it seems like everything is going wrong. It seems like everyone else gets everything they want and need. Lately, I've just been looking around wallowing in self-pity for what i am lacking. That was the problem, i was looking around instead of up...at man instead of at God. Why is it that we as Christians write stuff like this all the time? Why is it alway true? Why do we "learn our lesson," and then forget? In a war, soldiers don't take ground and then wander around waiting for it to be taken away so they can fight for it again. Why do we insist on taking ground from under the very nose of Satan just to give it back to him so we can fight for it all over again. We need to take ground and keep it!

On a less serious note, or maybe i guess just a different one. I was talking to a girl in my dorm this year, her and i used to be good friends...really good friends. This year we barely talk. Last year we had some issues, she got a boyfriend, and we just grew up and grew apart (i know...sounds cliche). I realized no matter what happens or what doesn't happen, i will never regret the fact that we were friends. I learned lessons and made memories that made me the person i am. It's that way with all of my friends past and present. NO matter what goes on between us i don't regret the time God gave me with each of them...so here's to alison, jessica, carmen, hannah, troy, chris, tammy, ashley, thomas, melanie, samantha, pam, kierra, kristin, and all those other people that helped make me the person i am, but are no longer really a part of my life. Most of them will probably never read this and if they do then they stumbled upon it...

Sadie Hawkins!!

Sadie Hawkins...two words that strike fear into the hearts of girls and guys alike. The girls are freaking out about being rejected by that one guy that they have dreamed of taking since the last sadie when they chickened out, and the guys are trembling in fear cause they know that one girl is going to ask them, even though she chickened out last year. Sadie Hawkins is an activity that is safe only for those couples already in a dating relationship...the ones that go as friends normally just raise questions later. So when I saw sadie on the calendar, my first thought was "do i even want to go." I dealt with the question until the morning of when i decided i would go with my friends. I didn't want to put any guy through the agony of hearing the words "will ya go to sadie with me?" come from my mouth. Well, it was a fun night, and i got to see some pretty funny stuff. Including tomlinson doing push-ups (honestly, i wouldn't have ever thought he could have done it...this is my slightly balding OT and Bible Doc. teacher, but he showed those college guys up.), two of the guys dancing around to prove they were the biggest hicks here (trust me, there was competition), and college students beating each other silly with fun noodles. We went to the shooting range, and i watched my good friend amber shoot a gun for the first time in her life...she even hit the hill all three times!! I don't want to brag or anything, but i did hit my intended target 3 out of the 4 shots. In the end, it was worth getting sick and feeling like death the next day. Question: Does anyone out there actually like moonpies and RC cola??

Quick update on my life

So this has been an interesting week to say the least. I am sitting at mcalisters right now because...i am so excited about this...Pastor Sexton cancelled classes today. Yep, no classes...no special meeting...no nothing...except i have to work in like an hour...ugh. This week was Mission Conference, and I guess he just knew how incredibly exhausted we all are. Like I said, this week was Mission Conference, and it was really good. The main speaker was a pastor from Austrailia, and I just love accents (except for super hick southern). One of my good friends got saved yesterday, and i am just really excited. I even got to work extra hours on tues and wed. so i have more money to go to Indiana with....I AM GOING TO INDIANA IN A WEEK!!!! I am a little excited and a little spastic. I've never been to Indiana.

This week wasn't all happy though. On Sunday night, one of my best friends got her car stolen...yep right off the back lot on campus. Why do people do such retarded things??? I am praying that we will find it. She is taking this way better than i ever thought anyone could. I just want to find out who did this and beat them till they are lacking the ability to drive anything. Just pray!!! That's about all we can do right now unless i find someone willing to go to the search the alleys of knoxville with me...any takers??

Oh and i can't find my phone right now...i think i might have left it in my friends dorm, but i don't know...my phone is my lifeline. I can't talk to ANYONE without it. I am a little nervous, but it will turn up.

One more thing, my dad is in Buffalo with the Red Cross...I guess they got beaucoup snow (i don't know cause i don't have any source of news) Just pray he stays safe...he is the first shift shelter supervisor...he's pretty excited. My dad just likes helping people, and its awesome. Well i know this has been a pretty spastic blog, but i am trying to keep you all updated.

Watch what you say

So my life has gone from confusing to utterly brain numbingly crazy. I don't know what to think. I assumed some stuff yesterday and i wrote a hurtful blog that could have ruined a friendship if that person wasn't as understanding as they are. There is a saying about when you assume things but since i don't allow vulgarity in my blog or life, i can't share it with you. I shouldn't have rushed into write such brash things. It just shows you that you should think about the words before you speak...wow...my parents were right about something. Anyhoo, right now i don't know who to believe. I don’t know what to do. I don't know what i did to deserve this. I don't know if i hurt someone to make them do this. I don't know if anyone did anything. I don't know if i am going to pass my pastoral epistles midterm. i don't know if this issue is ever going to be completely resolved (but i want it to more than anything.). I want things to go back to the way it was, but i want this to make me and my friendships grow. I want my friendships to be strengthened. I want to grow closer to God. But what you want and what you get are two different things. I am so confused…but God knows and some day He will explain it all.

What am i supposed to believe???

So right now i am sitting in the Great Hall (that's the really important name they gave the giant unfinished portion of our school building), and i don't know what i am supposed to believe. Some people i really trust told me today that someone else i really trust is (to put it bluntly)a two-faced, people pleasing liar. You know, the type of person that says one thing to your face, but says something totally contrasting to someone else. That encourages you and makes you feel like a friend to your face and makes fun of you to others. The conflict here is I really don't want to believe it. As i said (see above) I really trust this friend...and i am giving them the benefit of the doubt, which will probably be to my detriment, but why would i want to be hurt, if agreeing that they are a two-faced, people-pleasing, lying jerk would still be painful, but less so? You know the old saying, "burn me once its your fault, burn me twice it's mine"? Well, right now i don't know what to do. On one hand i want to sit here and cry and go back to my dorm, turn off my phone, and sleep till next semester, and on the other hand i want to call my friend, and tear them apart, and make them feel 10% of how i feel right now. I could care less about any extenuating circumstances. The fact that i was told that one of my friends is a betraying weasel (not their words) hurts. It hurts because i don't want it to be true. It hurts because it has happened so many times before with so many so called "friends." It hurts because it makes me feel like i deserve that. I know my personality is somewhat flawed in many ways, but do i deserve that?? Why did they even have to lead me on as my friend...why couldn't they have told me off in the first place and spared me all this heartache? To me they don’t seem like that type of friend. O well, i am probably making a big deal about nothing...probably some misunderstanding. By the way, if you're thinking this is about you, you're probably right...and tell me the truth...its the only thing that matters right now.

Walking with purpose

So it's been a pretty long week...fun but long. Last Saturday, Amber, heather and i went downtown. It is nice living about fifteen minutes from downtown Knoxville. There is one thing that slightly confounded us. Why is it that in the middle of a city everything closes at 5? We tried to go to the art museum (which is free, but has some pretty cool stuff...or so i've heard, everytime i try to go, it's closed.) Of course the world finds plenty of things to do...Why is it that the things that are clean fun are always closed when we have an opportunity to participate?

We walked about a mile and a half before we decided where we were going to eat, and by the time we got that far, we didn't feel like going anywhere else, so we just stopped at the first place that looked clean and safe. So i ate at Quizno's for the first time, and what did i eat??? A salad of course!!! It was really good.

I have been able to go walking almost every night for the past two weeks (YEA for me!!! ok so i know i am pretty much the only one excited about this) I have even persuaded (tricked; manipulated) some of my friends to go with me. Heather is my faithful walking partner. (Keep "walking with purpose" heather!!!) I am slowly healthifying (i know its not a word) the Crown college campus one person at a time...Lauren and amber see through my little conspiracy, but they humor me, and sometimes they accompany me on my nightly excursions (but pity works just as well as trickery sometimes). Ok, well we are off to do something..we don't know what, but lets just hope its legal (according to Crown)...who knows maybe it'll be able to blog about it sometime. Leave a comment or CALL ME (if you don't have my number, it's cause this comment is not for you and i have no desire to talk to you...jk...unless you are considered creepy by many)!!!

We came out alive

So last night i went to a cornmaze. I have never been to a cornmaze in my life, but it sounded like fun. Well, as much as walking around a giant cornfield and getting lost could be. I am not the type of person that likes to get lost. After my dad lost me at a baseball game when i was little, i like to know where i am and exactly why i am there. That's probably why i can remember directions so well sometimes, so if i get stranded i know my way out. Anyway, in a cornfield, there aren't too many distinct landmarks. The only thing that let us know we were even going the right way was occasionally we would stumble upon a white post with a red number on it. When we passed post number 6 for the second time i was getting a little nervous. We did make it out alive. No one killed us and we didn't kill each other although there were a few times we were getting close. It would have been so much more fun if it had been haunted. You know people dressed up in scary costumes that jump out and scare you so bad you wet yourself . We did successfully make it out and back on the buses to go back to the dorms. i slept past my alarm this morning which meant i had about 30 minutes to get ready for visitation. It is a hair up day. I never used to wear my hair up cause of the super retarded birthmark i have on the side of my neck. I still don't like hair up days, but they're my only option when i wake up late....or my roommate or my RA takes forever in the shower. Well, gotta go got a bunch of stuff to do.

Too tired to be held responsible!

So right now i am sitting at the library, and i am irritated. Maybe i'm easily irritated because i am cranky after being with children all day, or maybe it is because i am a tired college student who never gets any sleep, but sometimes i am just irritated by retarded ppl. Wow, you know you are tired when you randomly break out singing oldies in the middle of the library...whispering of course. Lauren just looked at me funny. No she's not the one irritating me, and Amber's not here, she's working. It's wierd without her here...kinda like we have an imposter for a third or something.

This picture is just one i liked (well except for heather's eyes being closed). Heather and Amber are awesome. I am going to miss them so much when they graduate. They are such punks they think that just because they got here a year before me they can leave a year before me. Just kidding love 'em to death.

So today i got my evaluation at work. It was really pretty good, but i don't think i am getting a raise. Boo!!! I got mostly excellents and a few satisfactories, but that's life.

Ok well, i am at the library so i guess i should get some studying done...ugh. O yeah! Lauren agrees with me on the whole Milky Way is so much better than snickers thing.

Lights out came early

So the year has really started now. Last night we had a storm, and of course, like any time a squirrel trips over the power line, we lost power. It was a Monday night...you know, a study hours night. I am not going to take time here to explain the pointlessness and idiocy of study hours, but some day i will enlighten you as to why trying to study in a dorm of 40 girls when every girl is forced to be there is impossible. Anyway, last time i checked, the purpose of study hours, as futile as they may be is to study, so my friends and i went somewhere that homework could actually be accomplished. We tried to go to Buddy's, but the power outage was affecting them as well, so we tried Krystal's, but the only empty outlets were on the ceiling. Our final stop was McAlister's where one of the hundred other Crownies there gave up their outlet to let us plug in. I do have a suggestion for anyone out there that is considering getting WiFi for their establishment...GET MORE THAN ONE OUTLET!!!!!

Anyway, the power did come back on (much faster than normal), and all of my assingments were completed...i was up pretty late and i am exhausted, but they were done. And we did ind out the reason for the power outage on our way out when we almost hit the tree that had come down on the power lines. Well, i'm off to work and sick children. I did have a really good picture of a rainbow, but o well, it won't post.

Tears and heartache

What happens to people???

Why is it that some people live for God forever and then turn and run so far away from Him that you can never tell they were ever close to Him...i guess its that verse in 2 pet. 2:20, "For if after they have escaped the pollutions of the world through the knowledge of the Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, they are again entangled therein, and overcome, the latter end is worse with them than the beginning." It just breaks my heart. I just want to cry. Sorry i just saw some stuff from some people i used to really love that just hit me like a 600lb brick in the face. I just pray that it never happens to me. I never want to be known as the girl that "used to live for God," or that girl that "was on fire once upon a time." I know that no one is above falling and only by the grace of God i am what i am. I am still praying for them, and i still want them to come back. It seems like to me once you know what is wrong and you do it, you feel so rotten that you do it more just cause you want to be numb. but once they are numb they do it so they can feel something.

Why is it that when we have everything we need, we aren't happy with it, and we just want what the world can offer? I do it too. I always think that the grass is greener. The world is always happier...until their "sin for a season" is over. Why is waiting for what God has so hard??? Why are we so impatient as a human race...i get so depressed thinking about it....i know God is crying too.

***pray for a girl at school she has had 2 seizures today...she is a freshman and it has to be really scary for her and her parents.***

Any suggestions???

Ok people, i need help!!! I need some way to stay awake in class. I don't want to eat candy, and since the crack down on internet use in class, i can't surf the web either. I really don't know what to do. I have Mr. Britton at 7:30 in the morning, and for the life of me i can't stay awake. I tried the breathing deeply thing. I've tried drawing, and writing letters. I've even tried pinching myself. Any suggestions??? Please help...i look like a total doofus when i'm sleeping and i really don't want to entertain my classmates that way.

Love is in the Air

A lot has happened since i got back to school. I've started work, got a C on my first test and measurements test, have gotten sick, and i've finally found a boyfriend. Ok, so maybe i haven't found the boyfriend yet (anyone who knows me knows that's not true, but if you're wondering why look at the pic...jk, i'm not feeling down and low right now, just a little sarcastic), and to be honest, i'm not really looking...eventually it'll happen, or a Baptist convent will open. However, not everyone is having my problem. My little brother, the one that has been here for about 3 weeks, has found a "friend." Yeah, he is one of those freshman who gets here and finds the love of his life in the first month. Just kidding, they aren't that bad, they are just "talking" a little, but as his sister it is my duty to pick on him a little. I am pretty sick right now, but of course i can't call in cause i have to go to work, which is the reason i am sick in the first place. Being sick is the reason i got a C on my Tests and measurements class, instead of going back to my dorm and reading the chapters, i went and slept...but trust me sleeping was almost worth getting a C (but not quite). I am also blaming the fact that this is a britton class, so pretty much everything is to blame except my lack of self-motivation

Anyhoo...i have a ton of reading to do, and not enough time in the day to do it, and i have to leave for work in about 30 min. LEAVE A COMMENT!!! SAY ANYTHING (within reason)!!! I feel like i am writing to myself...

Back in the swing of things

So i've been here for a little over 2 weeks and i am finally getting back into the swing of things. I am back at work and wiping snotty noses, and i am procrastinating my way through classes. We went to Sara's house this week to see sara and maddie. The movie and yummy food was a definite plus. Here is a nice picture of amber lounging around. I would have put my pic of lauren, but i decided our friendship was more important. We had a blast and it was a nice last hurrah before my first day of work.

Work has been pretty eventful so far, and i've only been back for three days. Yesterday, i think i got the girl i work with fired...not that she didn't deserve it and my boss wasn't already considering it, but i felt kinda bad anyway.

Amber and i went to the Powell football game last night and it was a lot of fun. The game was pretty pathetic, but the marching band was pretty cool...small, but cool. When the majorettes started juggling flaming batons, i was pretty impressed. However, i started thinking about how shocked all the poor homeschool kids were when the high school dancers and cheerleaders came out dressed in...well, traditional cheerleading attire...pretty much nothing.

Retreat Pics

Well, not much time but i just wanted to post some pictures from this week at the retreat...class starts in four minutes and i am really trying to be good this year about no being on the internet...and since this is the third day of classes...better keep it up. The other picture is a random one from the mall...and please ignore my hair in the retreat pics...it was raining...ugh

Starting the cycle all over again

So here I am...i think i have started a few posts like this lately...anyway, here i am sitting in the good old mail room with my good friends amber and lauren. I just finished registering, and my bank account is empty. Ugh!! Well, at least God has provided so far. Last night we hit the aquarium...now i love watching fish swim around as much as the next person, but after seeing it so many times, it isn't that exciting. I am lucky to have such awesome friends that i got to hang out with...and thankfully i didn't misplace my wallet this year with loads of cash...then again my wallet doesn't have loads of cash in it. I am trying to get used to living in a dorm full of girls again...fortunately with one roommate, it isn't as hard as it has been...then again it is a little intimidating since i am used to having 4 or 5 roommates, so if i don't get along with one i can go talk to another one...so if i don't get along with one this year i guess i have to talk to the wall...or my stuffed turtle that has found a home on my bed this year.

Anyhoo...Crown decided to welcome me back in a classic way this year...yesterday, which is the first time i ate lunch on campus, they decided to have my favorite meal...yep...a heaping helping of country fried steak...aka lard on a plate. Any one who knows me at all knows that i would eat pretty much anything on this planet before i forced my taste buds or my stomach to endure that torture of monumental proportions...so of course i ate salad.

Tonight there is a "split activity" the girls are having a dorm volleyball tournament and the guys are playing paintball and going rock climbing...i am not going to express my disgust with this "split activity" at this time. But while the other girls are stuffing their faces with ice cream tonight, i am going to be taking a nice walk around the campus. Lets hope Melvin doesn't come stalking...

I'm really too tired to think up a title

So i have been here for two days and so far the year seems like it will be pretty good. I got into my dorm and found out that i only have one roommate. That makes me pretty happy since i have been in a six man every other year. Of course, i haven't actually stayed in the dorm yet since my parents are still here. I'm so glad to see everyone again. I missed them so bad. We had a meeting last night, and we had one this morning, but i "accidentally" slept in too late and missed it, but i think i pretty much understand how to give someone a tract, so i think it will be ok. Today there was the "lets force everyone to get together and meet people" picnic. Its not so bad when you know people, but i remember as a freshman the day was total torture. Today i roamed between some different groups. I was hanging out with amber and lauren, but i lost them when they went on the hay ride and didn't find them again until it was almost time to eat. I got to spend some time with amber (different amber for those of you who are getting confused) and heather. After lunch, amber and lauren took off to the hotel...i don't blame them i would have done the same thing...it was HOT, but my dad was playing horse shoes and leaving seemed to be out of the question. So with amber and lauren gone and (other) amber and heather missing in action, i attached myself to yet another group of my friends. So as pictured, Joy, Renee, myself, trisha, leah, and casey took a hay ride. I know i look pretty dorky in the picture, but hey whats new?? I said it was hot...it was so hot, my long, thick, curly hair was smothering me...i thought i was going die of heat exhaustion. Amber's mom was awesome, she came through and french braided my hair...i haven't french braided my hair since i was 15, but it definitely did the trick. Well, after i got back from the hay ride, i found heather and amber and we decided to head back to the dorms on one of the shuttles. We got to the dorms and decided we should go do something, so we headed to one of my favorite places in all of knoxville...McKay's. It is a used bookstore with pretty much a book on any subject you're looking for.

Now you may have noticed that i have written this whole thing without mentioning Charles once (ok, so you prolly didn't, just humor me here). Well, to be honest i haven't really seen him much. We got here and got in line for dorm registration, and i left him...i know that sounds pretty harsh, but i am forcing him to make some friends on his own, and i think its working pretty well.

So tomorrow is the day i lose my flip flops. I will be in mourning for a little while. I have been living in them for the summer and i wish i could be living in them for the school year, but oh well...rules are rules for a reason, even when they don't make much sense to us. We are holding auditions for the cast of season 3...but so far i haven't seen anyone who fits quite right...

I have arrived!

So, i am now writing you guys(y'all for you southerners) from the great state of TN. We got here after a pretty eternal car ride. Kudos to Charles who drove the whole 10 hours in a standard without cruise control without complaining...even when the batteries died in his mp3 player about 5 hours into the trip. God provided great safety along the way and we arrived in TN without incident...although i have to admit when leaving PA i was a little nervous about my younger brother driving me all the way there in his 14 year old truck, but he did awesome. We did stop at a pretty shady Wendy's in Ohio...to be honest i was little worried about coming out and finding a window busted out of the truck and all our belongings gone. Our entire lives are currently packing in that truck, and them going missing wouldn't exactly be the highlight of my year. I am, however, waiting for something to go horribly, terribly wrong before this week is over...i know a little pessemistic, but it has become almost a tradition for me.

We arrived in TN about an hour before my parents...they were delayed in leaving because they had to visit the pharmacy and it didn't open till 9, so since we had to wait for them, we had to hit the favorite Crownie hangout and the most exciting place in all of Powell...WALMART!!! I felt strangely liberated while walking through walmart in flip flops...normally a dress code faux pas (that means a "no-no" for you southerners). When my parents finally arrived, we went to mcalisters and i got my fix for real southern sweet tea (i may be picking on you southerners, but you can make some awesome tea). Anyway, we get into our dorms tomorrow, and then i register on Tuesday...I also know that i have updated twice in 2 days and now you probably have to read another post after this...sorry about that.

***I have been informed that my last post was inaccurate when i stated that dairy queen employees in Ohio are unable to make a decent blizzard. Let me rephrase...Most (and by most, i mean all but the two that i was assured can make an awesome blizzard) dairy queen employees in Ohio cannot make a decent blizzard to save their lives... I don't know if this correction is exactly accurate...i guess i will have to find out on my next vacation...

And summer is over!

So it is hard to believe in less than 10 hours i will be on my way to TN. Yes, this is my last post in freedom. I can't believe how fast this summer has just flown by. And another thing that has been hard to believe is that this week i have actually felt like i have a social life...On Monday night i went out with my good friends tom and krissy. They live in Ohio so we drove over to meet them. We were just gonna get ice cream, but we decided that since none of us had eaten dinner...something real food sounded a little better. So Tom decided to take us to Covered Bridge Pizza. When he first told us where we were going, i had no idea what to expect...i didn't even know it was a pizza place. I loved it...the pizza was pretty good, but the atmosphere was incredible! I have eaten in some pretty interesting places...like old train cars, planes, but never in a bridge. We had a blast!! We sat there forever and talked, then jumped in their van and went to DQ for ice cream...and sat there and talked. I am really glad i have gotten to know them. They came to my church after i left for college, and to be honest, when i saw them last october at a basketball tournament, i couldn't even remember their names. Anyway, at dairy queen, i got a reese's cup blizzard (which has now become one of my favorites). I have come to the conclusion that dairy queen employees in Ohio have absolutely no clue how to make a good blizzard. This was the second blizzard in about a week (i know i have no idea why i had 2 in one week either...i can't eat ice cream for the rest of the year) that i found less than desirable. Now the dairy queen that my church goes to is awesome! And of course its in PA!!! I am really going to miss going to DQ with my church...i am really going to miss my church in general. I have gotten so close to some of them this summer. Well, its time for me to get some sleep...got a long trip ahea of me tomorrow.

Its ok if He says no

OK, so I am warning you now…this is one of my serious…God showed me something that I need to verbalize blogs. Today I was praying about some stuff I am going through. I prayed, “God please make everything work out exactly how you want…and if its not how I want it to work out, that’s ok…” I prayed a blanket prayer so that how ever this all works out, I can say…look God answered my prayer exactly how I prayed it!! Then I was like what in the world am I doing. I never told God what I really wanted. Why am I so afraid to pray for what I really want? Why am I so afraid of God saying “no”? My parents used to say no to me all the time, and despite what you all may think…I’m pretty well adjusted. God wants us to pray for what we want. God tells us, “Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.” Why not ask for what we want…God promises that if we delight ourselves in Him; He will give us the things we desire. If I desire something that is against God’s will, but I am delighting in Him, I believe He will remove that desire from my heart, so I am done praying blanket prayers that protect me from having God say “no”. I still want to pray for God’s will, and I still want Him to do His will in my life, but I don’t want to be constantly praying for nothing. My pastor has always said, “Nothing’s dynamic unless it’s specific.” I think this is the first time that actually clicked in my head.

God is supposed to be my best friend…I guess I’ve been missing that. Well, what I am going through right now, I really need to cling to that, and I tell everyone else what I want…I tell them how I want everything to turn out, but I don’t tell God. The one thing about God that I seem to have the most trouble grasping is that no matter what I say to Him or what I ask Him…He is always going to love me and be there for me. It amazes me that even when I don’t talk to Him and I ignore Him, He loves me. I wish I could be just as good of a friend.

I guess i needed a laugh...

So i guess i have returned to my addiction to blogging, even though no one ever reads this anymore...i just got back from a college and career fellowship with my sunday school class. The real reason for this fellowship was that no one had money to go to cedar point with the rest of the church...i did, but since i just went less than two weeks ago, i didn't really see the point. Anyway, i got there at the same time Trisha and Dave pulled up...dave is here till wednesday to visit and see Trisha since he is going to be going to Missouri. That makes me kinda sad since this will be my first year at school without the whole crew from my church...even though i don't really hang out with them much. We do have 2 more people from my church joining us, but enough rambling about that. We sat around and talked for about 4 hours before we decided to pull out pit...now i love the game pit, but it was nothing like the time i played the pit version of spoons at sara's house...nothing beats the conspiring that occured that night, however tonight, no one tried to break my fingers. It was fun though since i won 2 out of 3 games!

Poor dave was the only guy there until ryan showed up after he got out of work and then the laughter really started. Ryan and dave have only known each other for a short time but they make a great comedy team. I don't think i have laughed so hard in a while (well, except for some at cedar point). The other guys from our class couldn't make it since one is a newlywed, one went to cedar point, and one was showing his mom around the wonderful city of Erie...although i still don't see why he didn't come since that should have taken all of 2 seconds.

The night started with everyone sitting around and talking about their weddings...it wasn't until later that i realized i was the only single person there...kinda depressing, but i'm used to it. I sat and listened..got bored and went to talk to my sunday school teacher. I went to her house last night to a "home spa party." The girl that threw the party wasn't saved, and we were sharing the gospel with her when i had to leave, so i wanted to know how everything turned out after i left. She didn't get saved, but she seems really open...pray for her...her name is stacie.

Anyway, i had a great time, and it was good to get out and socialize a little. Please pray for me...i am dealing with some family stuff right now and it is kinda hard. Have you ever felt like your whole world is pretty much spinning the wrong way...not spinning out of control, but everything is going the absolute opposite of what you want. I just wish someone could tell me how to fix everything...how to get my world spinning the right way again.

Nun or a preacher??

I have a pretty funny story from work...oh! today was my last day and i am so excited about that. So yesterday, i told one of the guys at work that today was my last day, and he asked why...i responded with the typical, "i'm going back school" response. That was followed by the typical "where do you go to school" question. Now, i have been asked that question enough times that i have formulated a little explanation..."I go to a small, Christian college in TN with about 900 students." The guy couldn't fathom the idea of a Christian college. He asked me if i had ever done anything "bad" (and we all know what he meant). He then began to elaborate by asking if i drank or smoked or "partied." He was once again shocked by my answers. The conversation was over and i got back to work, but about 2 min. later he was back. He just looked at me for a minute and then blurted out the question, "Are you gonna be a nun?" I busted out laughing...i imagine that many people have wondered this when i told them i go to Christian college, but he is the first one that ever asked. He didn't really understand why i was laughing, and thinking he had missed the boat, quickly asked if i was going to be a preacher. This made me break out in even harder laughter. He didn't quite understand why i was laughing like someone had just told the funniest joke in the world. I explained that i was going to school to become a teacher. He then asked me several other questions including "do you go to an all girls school" to which i replied, "what do you think i am, nuts?" Well today, he decided to make fun of me a little...although he repeatedly assured me that there was nothing wrong with the way i live (like i needed the reassurance). I was called "Bible girl" and asked questions like "do you cuss." When i answered no to that i was challenged to cuss one time, and i once again answered no. One of my other co-workers smacked this guy and told him if they hadn't done all the things he was asking me if i had done they prolly wouldn't be where they are in life...they are in the same work release program.
Anyway, you prolly don't find this as funny as i did but i thought i would share that story with you...i found it hilarious, but maybe you had to be there. See most of you very soon...in a week!!!!!!!!

Learning to trust

Why can't i just trust people?? Why can't i believe that someone wants to be my friend?? I messed up tonight. I, once again, using my tiny little brain, decided that one of my friends is just tolerating me, and doesn't really want to talk to me. In reality, he is just busy, and doing other things. Why did i think this??? Its simple really...i read way too far into everything. When someone does something that they think nothing about, i analyze it from every angle and try to figure out what it means except it means nothing. Why do i do this?? I don't know...maybe it's cause i don't know if i would be my friend. Maybe its cause i have had "friends" that really weren't friends. I had to deal with that this year, and it makes me examine all my other friendships. Sometimes i am so worried about bothering a friend that i can't enjoy myself. I just don't want to annoy them and lose a friend.

Anyway, i just wanted to tell all of you that i am sorry. Most, if not all of you have experienced this at one time or another. I am so worried about chasing my friends off that i end up doing just that. I guess i am just trying to learn to trust.

Mark, I'm sorry i doubted your friendship. I'm sorry that i doubt our friendship all the time. I am going to try really hard to stop. I just don't get why someone like you is friends with someone like me. You can sing, you can make people laugh, and you make friends so easily. Please forgive me...again. I will prolly delete this blog sometime tomorrow, when i realize it is way too emotional for people to read, but this is how i feel, maybe too much of it, but if i can't share my heart with my friends, who can i share it with?

I enjoyed my day at America's Roller Coast

Yesterday, i was able to go to cedar point with some friends. It was great. We got to ride pretty much every big ride. Of course, we waited in lines forever, and i got a pretty harsh case of sunburn, but those are the memories that make it all more fun. Now every time someone taps my arm, the extreme pain reminds me of the great fun i had. I don't think i have ever gone to cedar point with a better group although i'm not so sure they can say that about me...i wasn't in the best mood for the first part of the day. I had a headache and just couldn't shake it. Sorry guys!

They whole trip was made possible by our great friend amber supplying the free tickets. Now i am sure that we still could have gone and had a great time, but i'm not so sure it would have been as fun with that price tag, so Amber, we are VERY grateful. We spent the whole day waiting in line for hours to ride rides that last about 25 seconds, but strangely enough, that 25 sec. is worth the wait.

For those of you that are going to the point this year, make sure you ride the new ride the skyhawk...i got some pics off the cedar point site. It was a pretty awesome ride. We rode at night, and it was awesome...you go flying up and all you see is stars. You are held on the ride by a lap bar. I am still convinced that my lap bar was not nearly tight enough, but i guess i made it off alive. The ride is like a giant swing that takes you as high as a 12 story building. For a short second, you free fall...its awesome, but i definitely recommend that you ride it at night.

But of all the rides, the one that terrifies me the most is Power Tower. Now, i get nervous on other rides, like any coaster with a hill that you go up slowly with that clicking sound, but once i get to the top of the hill i'm fine. On power tower, i am pretty much scared senseless until the initial drop is over...getting to the top doesn't stop the fear. But then again, i guess that is why its called a thrill ride. We are still looking for Justin's penny...the one that defied the laws of amusement park physics.

I also want to thank ambers mom for the awesome lunch she packed us. It was really good, and i am so glad it was healthy food, since i have been trying to watch what i eat. The turkey wraps were awesome...and you might tell from a previous blog that turkey is my favorite.

Anyway, i have so many super awesome, super funny stories, but i am super tired, and i have to go shut my sun burnt eyes and try to get some sleep...so i'll just send out some last thanks...mark, thanks for breakfast and for picking me up and taking me to laurens...lauren, thanks for driving and letting me crash at your house for a few nights...amber, thanks for the tickets and bringing the lunch...brandi, thanks for riding all those coasters with me (i know i'm a pretty lame partner, but i had fun, i hope you did too)...justin, thanks for keeping mark under control-wait, you were the one encouraging him most of the time...jk. Ambers mom...thanks for making a great lunch. Everyone thanks for the laughs and the memories. i'm glad we all got to go. I got my pics back today, so i'll show 'em to all of you next time i see you. Some of them are pretty interesting...

Funny or just plain wierd?

Well, i just got back from a wedding. It was beautiful!! Ann was a gorgeous bride, and everything went off without a hitch...well except for someone's cell phone going off. I would have felt so bad if it was my phone. It was really wierd though cause Ann and Nathan are the first people from my youth group that are getting married...i mean other people in my church have gotten married, but they were always older by at least a few years.


Anyway, that's not why i'm blogging right now...I wanted to share with you the most random thing i have ever seen in my entire life. I can honestly say that i can't think of something i have seen that is more out of place. Anyway, my dad and i were driving home from the wedding, and we were driving by the interstate, and there standing on the side of the road under the overpass is a guy in a kilt playing the bag pipes. He was behind his car just playing away. There was no one else around...no reason i could see for him to be playing his bagpipes. Maybe it was a dare or something, but i just can't figure it out. I thought it was pretty funny and just wanted to share it with you...Does anyone else think it is a little strange to see some standing on the side of the road in ethnic garb playing their hearts out on a musical instrument?

My life in a sweat shop

So i looked up the definition of a sweatshop in good old Merriam webster and found this defintion, "a shop or factory in which employees work for long hours at low wages and under unhealthy conditions." Ok so maybe i am making a little more than the 50 cents a day that some kids in tajkistan are getting...but trust me the above definition applies. I do have an alternate definition for "sweatshop" from, "The definitions of Mary." A sweatshop should be defined as a building with few or no windows and huge, noisy, hot machines in which the workers are forced to listen to hours of horrendous noise (sometimes called "music"), and every laborer must lose about 10.3lbs a day due to sweating. On a more serious note...please pray that i make it through this week without getting sick. There is an extreme heat wave...i'm sure most of you are experiencing it too. Anyway the factory i work in is generally 20-25 degrees hotter than outside and i started feeling funny yesterday, and today is supposed to be hotter! Gotta go to work...i'll post again soon

Pizza, Pop, Praise, and Prayer

I just got back from Jamie's house...we had so much fun tonight. Work just seemed to drag by because i knew the second i got out of there i was going to have a blast. Well, i got to Jamie's at about 7:45...everyone else was already there since it started at 6. I got there and ate a piece of pizza...i was really good and refused all the cookies, brownies and other such goodies. The title of this blog is right off the invite that we got last sunday...sounds a little liberal...but i like it. We spent hours talking about school stories. Kate was there so we all heard her stories about the hurricane at PCC...i don't think i could have done it, some of the stuff she told us was just sick. We discussed pranks and swapped ideas to use this coming year. I can't wait to go back to school. I know that sounds crazy, but i'm serious. We took some pictures, but of course i left my phone with my grandma by accident so it was MIA ("missing in action" for those of you who have no idea what that means), so i am waiting to have the pictures e-mailed to me...which we all know never happens, but if by some small miracle it does, i'll put them with a future post. The only problem was i was completely and totally exhausted...for some strange reason, i am now completely awake and can't fall asleep. Jamie kept asking me if i was tired since she can relate to the whole factory work situation since she worked in a doughnut factory last summer. I must have looked pretty rough.

So my "creepy guy chronicles" have continued since i last posted about them with the most recent episode happening today. I really don't understand why it is that these psychos feel completely comfortable talking to me...wait that wasn't nice...some of these guys aren't psychos, just certified wierdos. Honestly the most un-creepy (i don't think this is a word, but it works) guy to randomly talk to me is the guy on work release. He has now started waving and smiling at me everytime i walk past his line at work. Anyway, to hear these latest stories, you'll have to ask cause i am too tired to write about them now...i know tired but can't sleep....wierd.

Tomorrow is going to one of the most boring days of my life...what do i have planned...nothing! I hate not having anything to do. I mean i love having days where i just want to bum around and do nothing...but that is normally not a Saturday in the summer. Pretty much my whole church is at camp, and anyone else here that i would normally hang out with is doing something...or working. Then, i am just glad i'm not working.

Work was interesting today...we had a few small fires. They decided to print posters on a line that is not made for paper products...but did they care? Nope, so a few of them caught on fire causing a great time of entertainment watching people try to put it out...one time, one of the guys shoved his hand up the belt to grab the burning paper. Then there was the guy that kept stomping on a burning poster that just wouldn't go out...it was pretty stinkin' hilarious.

So i know this is random and scattered...deal with it...read the title of my page...Random Rantings.

I was just thinking

So, i went for a walk tonight. Walking is a time for me to clear my head...actually i guess it is a time for me to fill it. Walking is a time that i can think in peace. My thinking is the reason i picked up my laptop tonight to write. It is late, and i have church tomorrow, so i am not going to make this long...well, at least not as structured as i would normally like...this will probably be rambling to you, but it is just something i have to write.

I was thinking, why in the world did God create me, He (who has known everything since before time began) knew i was going to break his heart every day. Every day i do things that grieve the heart of God, and He is still there for me the moment i turn around to go looking for Him. No matter how far or fast i run from Him, He is always right there when i turn around to look for Him and tell Him i can't do it on my own. There are times i go days without telling God i love Him. I go to prayer with my wish list of things i want God to do in my life. I pray for the perfect family, the perfect future. I pray for everything to go just the way i've planned. I want a perfect life with no problems, instead of realizing that i have a perfect God who is there to help me through the trials. But i don't go to prayer just to say, "God, I love you. Thank you for just being you." But everyday, He wakes me up and says, "i love you...unconditionally because i created you. I'm not going ot force you to love me or serve me because i want you to come to me because you love me." Even when i go to him and give him what i think is everything, there is always something i am holding back, something i refuse to give Him, but right then, that is the only thing He wants. Every time i worry about something, i am spitting in the face of God, shaking my fist, and screaming, "I don't trust you to take care of my needs...i don't believe you when you promise to take care of me...God, You are a liar." Others may see me and think, "Wow, she is a great girl, a great Christian," but sometimes i feel so hollow...so shallow. When was the last time i cared so sincerely about someone i knew that was lost, that I...well, when was the last time i sincerely cared? I used to think...i am going to Bible college, training to serve the Lord...I've given God my whole life, but that's not it. Going to Bible college doesn't mean you have given God anything. A person can be just as far away from God at Bible college as they can any where else, sometimes farther. I just have to ask...where is my heart? What is my motive? I'm not saying that if you go to Bible college you haven't given God your life, but don't let that be the reason you think you aren't holding anything back.

Maybe this doesn't make any sense to you...but like i said its late...

You know you work in a factory when...

Well, as you all well know, I am spending my summer sweating my way through working in a factory. I thought i would let you all know some of the red flags that tell you that you are employed at a factory:

• The average temperature is 150 degrees even though the broken themometer is stuck at 65.
• Your co-workers look like they are walking, living exhibits at the American Tatoo and Piercing Museum.
• Since the radio is constantly blaring your local rock station, you have memorized every song that is played and every radio ad.
• The vending machines in the break room contain not only pop and chips, but cheeseburgers, chicken salad, and several other item that you would rather not eat from a vending machine...trust me they are pretty gross.
• During break, you sit at a table and listen to your co-workers discuss their illegal activities...prior convictions and drug use are the main topics.
• You know the difference between a multi-depth and a koozie box by sight...this might just apply to the place i work.
• You have mastered how to use a tape gun...trust me, they aren't the easiest.
• The tips of your fingers are burnt from taking extremely hot parts off the line.
• You have a line....
• No matter how much the clean, it is never clean...

Well, i guess that is enough for now. Actually, the factory hasn't killed me...yet. I only have about 18 or 19 more days of actual work.

So my church is building a fence around the "lake" that we bought next door. Since my factory is just down the road from my church, i have been walking down after work, helping with the fence, and waiting for Charles to take me home. It has been fun...my youth director is the one in charge of this whole fence thing. I haven't really been able to talk to him since i went to college. I don't know why there sometimes seems to be this line drawn between the college students and the youth director. I mean, just two short years ago i was in that youth group, and my youth director's family had a GREAT impact on my life. Anyway, we had a great time laughing and joking around. It is amazing to me how even though i was super exhausted after work, i was able to work for about 2 1/2 hours at the church. Well, i'm kinda sleepy...

Citizen of Reality

Ok, so it is 9am on a Monday, and what am i doing online writing a blog. Well, it is a long story that begins at 4am this morning. Well, at 4am this morning, i was rudely evicted from dreamland and forced to once again become a citizen of reality. Now that early in the morning, reality can be one cruel terrain. I couldn't find anything...i couldn't do anything right. I finally got out the door about 5 minutes later than I normally do...but still early enough to get to work on time. So i got to work, and went in and sat in the break room for a few minutes until i was supposed to start work. Well, at 5, i went out and talked to the lady that i normally talk to and she told me that they didn't have anything for me to do. She sent me to another guy, but he didn't have anything for me either, so i called my temp. service to see if i could go home, since walking out on an assignment is considered a voluntary quit. I called at 5:10 and the girl that got my call told me she couldn't page anyone until six (translation: sorry they aren't even awake yet, so you'll have to wait until they get out of bed and slip into their fuzzy bunny slippers). So i sat in a break room and waited until about 6:30. I was starting to get slightly steamed. I called my service again...once again the girl said she would page the guy i needed to talk to. So i sat and waited some more. When seven o'clock rolled around, i was ready to walk, so i called my service for the last time. The office was open so i was finally able to talk to the guy i had to. He told me what i knew he would the whole time...go home...he said he would call me back later.

Well, he has called me three times now assigning me to three different places, and it is only 9:15. My final assignment, and he has assured me it is my final assignment, is at the factory i worked at last year...no matter how much i complained about it this year (and i'm sure i will in the future) it is not nearly as horrible as the other places i have worked. Anyway, i am glad that my shift has changed. I now work from 11-7:30 (so church on wednesdays is going to be interesting...guess i'll be running and changing in the restroom...good thing the factory is right across the road from my church).

I have a ton of other things i could write about, but i think i am going to go get some sleep, since it feels like 4am was an eternity ago.

Mark- i know you love country fried steak (unless its chewy and served by a 98 year old woman who doesn't know how to discount a check)...but too bad you have to give up that plate of lard for your diet...either give it up, or eat nothing else for a week...maybe i wouldn't hate it so bad if Crown didn't serve their nasty version three times a week.

My mind is on break...check back later

Ok, so i found this cartoon online and though it was pretty funny. My friend and i were talking about turkey subs tonight...I know random topic, but as i said in an earlier blog, without the random things life would be so predictable. Besides, it reminded me of cleaning out the fridge at the end of the semester...but some of that stuff was there for FAR longer than three weeks. Turkey is my favorite...i have always loved turkey. I guess i was just never really into ham or bologna. I personally find most of it revolting. Sunday night sandwiches were never my friend when it came to having ham every single Sunday night (and don't forget that nasty cheese). Ick!! I may miss Crown, but i don't really miss those gag bags. And as surprising as it may be i haven't eaten a hot pocket in about ummm...since April. While i am on the subject of food, i have to correct something from a previous blog. In a previous entry, i commented that i would choose reese's pieces any day over reese's cups. Well, that has changed and i must admit that i am now a reese's cup fan. Now don't expect this to make me go soft on the milky way issue...i am hard core milky way...even though i haven't eaten a candy bar since april either, but if i did, it would definitely be milky way. Okay, so i just caught a glimpse of a plate of country fried steak on television...gag me. If there is one food i would rather die than eat...Country Fried steak would be it.

Today was blissful, wonderful, relaxing, glorious...etc. Why you may ask, well today was my day off. i love those words. i got to sleep in and just bum around all day. I now have a rule for my fridays off...no brain activity allowed. Now my job doesn't take much if any brain activity (or else most of the ppl working there wouldn't have lasted), but for my day off i prefer a nearly comatose state. Hopefully my mind will return from it's break sometime before September. Anyway, I have tomorrow and Sunday off too, but they will be far busier than today...however, rather than working i will be doing things i want to do!!!

Sore and Tired

So my first two days of work are done. Praise the Lord, two down and only 15 to go...i might work a few days of overtime, but not anytime soon. I am so sore right now, amd everytime i move i am reminded of the muscles that i forgot i had. Good thing i have off tomorrow. Let me give you a quick description of what i do. I get up at 4am...the only one who seems happy about this is my dog, who immediately wants to play. I then get ready and get to work by 5am...this is crazy. I start unloading "baskets" -large bins full of metal parts that have been dipped in acid. At first it wasn't that bad, and i thought, i can survive this. Then i spent 20 hours in two days moving metal. Imagine lifting about 15-20 lbs...not too hard, but now do about 8,000 repetitions. At least my arms will be pretty toned by the time i'm done with this job. When i am waiting for a new basket to come out, i grab a broom, and sweep the floor. I still haven't quite figured out why since the floor never comes clean. Of course there is the atmosphere...it is a factory. Some of you don't know what that means so let me fill you in. There are an unsual amount of women working at this factory...i have never seen so many manly women in my life. There is no end to the Nascar shirts and "man"ish haircuts. Then you go to the break room and see almost every one of these women reading harlequin romance novels...it is kind of creepy. I know you all find this side-splitingly (i don't think that is really a word) hilarious...but i assure you it's not. O by the way, i haven't worked with stove grates yet, but i'm sure they are coming.

There has been one bright spot...besides going home. I took my cd player in today (since i pretty much work by myself, i can listen to my own music). I took a pcc cd and Monica's cd and i was listening to them when the only semi-normal person in the factory walked up. He speaks Spanish primarily, but his english is really good. He started listening to the music and looked at me and asked me if it was Christian. I told him it was, and then he asked, "Are you a Christian?" I told him i was, and i told him that I am earning money to go back to Bible college. The idea of a Bible college seemed to shock him a bit and he asked me questions about it all day. He told me he goes to a Spanish church in the area. It was a real encouragement to learn that i am working with a Christian.

Wednesday night our church had service at a local park because our church is being renovated. It was awesome. Even though it was pouring down rain until about five minutes before service started we had about 150 people. I talked to some of my friends afterward, and tried to stay as late as i possibly could, but i had to leave, so i could get some sleep.

I hate stove grates

Ok, so i was going to blog last night, but i just couldn't think of what to say or exactly how to say it. Well, today has been pretty eventful. I got up, and started my day like any other. This afternoon, i called my temp. agency again. Now i know i said that i would rather sell an internal organ on ebay before i went back to working in a factory, but unfortunately i found out that was illegal. So tomorrow morning i start my second summer of factory work. I get to help make something really exciting...stove grates...ok, i guess they aren't that exciting, and i know that for the rest of my life whenever i see a stove, i will shudder involuntarily. My hours are kind of crazy...5am-3pm, mon-thurs. Yep, its ten hours a day...but i get a three day weekend. Just pray for me because i am really not looking forward to it. Anyway, i am also working on getting a job at the convenience store down the road from my house...i got to talk to the manager today and she said it shouldn't be a problem to hire me for a few hours a day. So all you people i talk to online...i prob. won't get to talk to you as much as i want. Give me a call...after 3pm...but don't worry i will be living online on the weekends. Well, i gotta go find some stuff for tomorrow, and get some sleep, so i can get up at 4am tomorrow. Pray for me cause i hate this...i just have to remember why i am doing this...so i can go back to school...Trust me its worth it.

A hundred things running through my head...

So i have about a hundred things on my mind right now. i don't even know where to really start. I guess a good place is to thank the Lord for my friends (i know i do this sometimes)...i just really needed to laugh tonight, and they really came through. I have learned this summer about true friendship. I have learned that a friend isn't someone who just tolerates you, or someone that will hang out with you if they have nothing better to do. i know some people in my life are like that, but i am truly blessed to have an abundance of good friends.

I went to a funeral today, and i guess it really made me think. I wasn't thinking about how short life is...she was older. I was thinking about what people would say about me if i was in that casket. Would i leave a legacy? Would people notice i was even gone? I mean, i know people might noticed i'm not hanging around, but have i really impacted someone's life? Maybe it is kind of prideful to think like that, to think how i will be remembered...i don't know.

So i think i am just going to change the name of my blog to the "Creepy guy chronicles." I seriously want to know why every creepy guy in this world has this GPS tracking system zeroed in on me. Ok, let me back up and tell you the story. So, after the funeral, Charles and i ran to Wal-mart. Charles had to run in for a minute, so i decided to just stay in the car. It was a nice day, so the windows were down. Here i was sitting in the parking lot, when this really creepy guy starts walking toward the car. When i say really creepy, i mean a man who is at least fifty years old, dressed head to toe in camo. Even his neon orange hat was camo. As he got closer, i noticed he had a nasty beard and some pretty scary teeth. To top is all off, he was carrying a dog. So anyway, he walks up to my car and just starts talking to me...well, talking to me and his little dog. I just sat there kinda stunned. I mean, what do you say to a guy who looks like he just stepped out of America's most wanted and is standing there talking to his dog? Anyway, the guy finally left my car, and walked over to the end of the parking lot. I kept my eye on him, since i couldn't really put the windows up since Charles had the keys with him. The guy started walking back toward my car, so i whipped out my phone and pretended to be talking to my roommate. I don't think i have ever been so happy to see my brother leave walmart in my whole life. Speaking of creepy guys, bubba is online. He hasn't said more than hi yet, so lets hope it stays that way.

Another thing on my mind. I read a blog tonight, and it made me think...do i believe what i believe just because someone told me to believe it, or do i believe because I know it's true. I know that many men of God know more than i do, but i believe that God gives light to anyone who is truly searching for it.

Man, i have so much running through my head right now, and most of it i just don't feel like i can share with anyone right now...some i don't think i will be able to share ever

Fireworks and Waterworks

So...Wow...i haven't blogged in a week. I guess i have conquered the addiction and proven that i can stop anytime. Even more suprising is that it isn't that i haven't had anything to say, i have just been really busy. I know...hard to imagine me busy, but it's true. I know it's shocking. Well, since i haven't blogged in so long, i just wanted to warn you that this might be a pretty long one.

On Saturday, my dad got shipped out to New York to help with the flooding. Well, as you all well know, my parents have been remodelling their bathroom for about....eternity. Well, Friday before he left, he worked on it for a while, but it is still no where near done. (**Tip: if you want to remodel a bathroom, save up your money and hire a professional that can have it done in a weekend**) Well, before he left there was a problem with a little leaky pipe, but they fixed it, and he was on his way. They obviously didn't fix it very well because Sunday night after church i got a call telling me that our house was flooded, and we needed to get home. This started a deja vu of a certain closet flooding incident from school. Anyway, Charles and i were supposed to go over to a friend's house, but we went home to see if there was anything we could do...there wasn't, so we were back on our way out. The guy that has been helping my dad fix the bathroom came and turned off the water to the whole house while we were gone. Trust me, not having water can be pretty nasty.

Well, on monday, the guy came over to fix it so Charles had to call off work so he could help. Normally, I wouldn't care whether or not Charles works, but i really wanted to go see fireworks in Conneaut with some friends. So i was glad he called off. We went to see the fireworks, and they were awesome. Pretty much the best fireworks display i have ever seen. And i had a blast hanging out with Charles, Krissy, and Tom. We stayed at Krissy and Tom's house and talked for about an hour after the fireworks were over. The only spot on this pretty much perfect evening was a super creepy guy that wouldn't stop talking to me the whole time we were watching fireworks. He had to be at least 40. When he found out i wasn't from around there he decided to give me a history of the town. We were hoping that once the display started he would be content to sit and watch the fireworks and let us do the same, but nope, he insisted on telling us pretty much every detail of the show. Why is it every creepy guy on this planet feels totally comfortable talking to me? We did discover that the more we talked amongst ourselves...the less he talked to us, so we did a lot of talking.

After the great show on Monday, we went to our church on Tuesday to watch the fireworks that are shot off nearby...and once again, they did not disappoint. It was again the worst fireworks display in all of PA. I mean when you have the same four fireworks shot off over and over for about 15 minutes, it is a little boring. And as for a "grand finale," they shot off about six fireworks at the same time, and then it was over. But it was fun hanging out and talking to people.

So obviously no one cares one way or another about mint ice cream!

Ice Cream Woes...not this time

So last night was fun...but kinda unexpected. I got ready for church, actually i got ready for church nursery where i was supposed to be. Well, mark has been telling me about a surprise for a few days, and when i got to church Colleen and i started talking and figured out that Mark and Colleen's friend Susan were coming to our church. Which is great, cause i haven't seen anyone from school (except Jamie and Trisha) since we got out. But of course there was the nursery dilema, and the fact that i was dressed for nursery (i looked like junk) not exactly what i like to wear when i actually sit in service. Anyway, my good friend mary took nursery for me and i got to stay in service with my friends. After service, we all wanted to do something, but we had to wait for Colleen to be done on the piano and Trisha to be done scooping ice cream. Yep, it wasn't me doing the scooping this time!

I am going to interject (like the big word?) something here. Who in the world thinks any kind of mint is a good ice cream flavor...give me vanilla any day...i'll eat chocolate chip cookie dough...strawberry is awesome, but MINT??? Seriously, whoever is trying to freshen their breath with ice cream needs some serious help anyway. I know most of this world disagreed with me on the milky way thing...but i think i'm right on this one. Tell me what you think! Anyway, the ice cream i grabbed at church last night was Andes mint...as you can tell i didn't exactly like it.

The night was fun...i think the fun started when Mark stole a note that one of the girls in my church had given me and i chased him across the parking lot. I stopped when i realized him reading the note would be far less embarassing than me slipping in the wet parking lot and falling on my face in front of everyone. However i am surprised i stayed off my face when i was running in the shoes i had on. They weren't exactly cross trainers. Then a bunch of us went out to Applebee's. We had fun. I got to talk to Susan for the first time in a few years (besides a few times on messenger), and she is a really sweet girl. Colleen was so excited that she came...i thought she might break out in a cartwheel, but she restrained herself really well. I hope they drop by again before the summer is over.

Anyway, let me know what you think about the ice cream thing. I know it's random, but without the random stuff, life would be so...predictable.