Saturday, March 01, 2008

No one warned me about growing up...

With Spring break just six and a half days away, i am trying desperately to regain the health that i am trying to recall once enjoying. Other than all of that, life is good. Actually life is great. I actually feel like i am starting to live (except for feeling like death, but thats another story). I don't really do much; i just feel more alive this year than any year i can remember in the past. I feel like i am doing something with my life, despite the fact that it appears that i am accomplishing nothing when it comes to school work. It's taken me this long to actually start feeling all grown up. I've gone through my whole life always thinking the "grown ups" were a few years ahead of me. Suddenly, i woke up and i was there. It's a scary thought being responsible for your own life. Now, your debts are yours, your responsibilities are yours, and if you mess up, it's not someone else's fault for not being there. You're supposed to be an adult. You're supposed to be able to handle this. There are still times i don't WANT to handle it. I want to have the easy pass off of...well they said. That's when people expect you to have evaluated the decision and make the right one regardless of what you've been told, and let me tell you that is a scary proposition. How in the world to people expect you to know so much by 21. Let me once again ask...why are all the important decisions you have to make supposed to be made during the years when you are the least sure of yourself?? And what happens if you mess up. Can you go back and fix it. The scariest part is, sometimes you can't. Sometimes the stupidity you had as a 21 year old is with you your entire life, and sometimes you have to go a few years out of your way to fix it.

Ok, so i have no idea where that post came from...but im going to go get ready for bed and take some meds...and drift off into a medication induced sleep, which just brings more strange dreams...YAY!

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