Saturday, April 02, 2011


This week, my world turned upside down. God asked me who I loved more. Him or a friend. I know that sounds...juvenile, but it came to the point where God asked if I would really say goodbye to Him or them first. He probably asked me this question months ago, but i pushed it away. I assured myself that loving this person was what God would want. I kept telling myself that love is "reaching out and holding on so someone else will know that love is in the not letting go." I kept telling myself that I needed to be a picture of Christ's love to them. And i still believe all of that, except...i needed to love God more than anything else in my life, and i wasn't doing that. My heart was completely and solely focused on something that wasn't God. And my loving, perfect, holy God is jealous. I never understood that before. I never understood how God could be perfect and loving and be jealous. Then i read somewhere that my God is jealous for the ultimate best for us. That best is Him. Does that make Him wrong to want us to be wholly and completely consumed with Him? No. hard as it was, and as much as I've cried already. I said goodbye to a friend i dearly loved...maybe someday, God will give them back...when my heart is wholly and completely His.

1 comment:

Rachel said...

See... I do still read your blog :) This exactly what I have been struggling with lately.... its so hard to give up on people to let God have complete control. I know what you're going through, friend, and I'm praying for you! Love ya!