Monday, August 14, 2006

Learning to trust

Why can't i just trust people?? Why can't i believe that someone wants to be my friend?? I messed up tonight. I, once again, using my tiny little brain, decided that one of my friends is just tolerating me, and doesn't really want to talk to me. In reality, he is just busy, and doing other things. Why did i think this??? Its simple really...i read way too far into everything. When someone does something that they think nothing about, i analyze it from every angle and try to figure out what it means except it means nothing. Why do i do this?? I don't know...maybe it's cause i don't know if i would be my friend. Maybe its cause i have had "friends" that really weren't friends. I had to deal with that this year, and it makes me examine all my other friendships. Sometimes i am so worried about bothering a friend that i can't enjoy myself. I just don't want to annoy them and lose a friend.

Anyway, i just wanted to tell all of you that i am sorry. Most, if not all of you have experienced this at one time or another. I am so worried about chasing my friends off that i end up doing just that. I guess i am just trying to learn to trust.

Mark, I'm sorry i doubted your friendship. I'm sorry that i doubt our friendship all the time. I am going to try really hard to stop. I just don't get why someone like you is friends with someone like me. You can sing, you can make people laugh, and you make friends so easily. Please forgive me...again. I will prolly delete this blog sometime tomorrow, when i realize it is way too emotional for people to read, but this is how i feel, maybe too much of it, but if i can't share my heart with my friends, who can i share it with?

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